Sometimes, I feel like I’m barreling down a highway top speed in a really fast car. Without the really cool fun part. Yeah. That would be now. Not so much in an “every given moment is a whirlwind” kinda way, more like “time is passing really fast and I keep thinking I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing here”. So to remind myself of what is all good:

• Awesome husband. Check.
• Amazing daughter. Check.
• Two jobs to help pay the bills. Check. Granted, combined they aren’t doing what one of them used to do, but its helping pay the bills. So I’m not complaining. Well, not so much anyway.
• Scott is now a full-time employee for the county. Check. Which is funny in so many ways. Living in Texas. Government employee. But I digress. Its a fantastic thing for our family as it provides healthcare, job stability (somewhat), and some potential benefits down the road when we get ready to hit the road.
• We have a lovely home. Check. Albeit really too big for us and requiring upkeep that neither of us feel like doing. Home ownership can be smart but not always what its cracked up to be.
• I’m healthy. And so are Scott and Isabella. Check. Well, as for me, I’m as healthy as a 50 pound overweight person can be. Really, if I could just lose the weight, all would be well. Or that’s what I’ve been saying since the first 5 pounds hit my ass.

So, what the hell am I complaining about? Well, to be frank, I’m not complaining. I’m thinking out loud and this blog is where I have to do that. I set an intention, so to speak, to look after my health this year. I’m working on the weight and I’m pretending to think about possibly maybe doing a bit of exercise. But mental health seems to be what keeps throwing in a kink. I’m overextended, despite giving up A responsibility. I’m still overextended. I need to focus more on homework (Isabella would be thrilled to read that), I need to focus more on the house (oh god. here I go talking about laundry again). And I need to focus on cooking which leads back to the healthy thing as well as a time thing.

When I worked corporate, which is not like now when I go to a corporate office but get to surf the internet a bit, when I REALLY worked corporate, like 9 hours a day + another 1.5 hrs of commuting and picking up Isabella from daycare, I got a LOT done. I have to say, although my memory may be off a bit, I was a machine. We didn’t have dirty laundry. Our house was always mostly clean. We ate dinner every evening (not popcorn and ice cream, not that we eat that. ever. for dinner. uh uh. just sayin). The big differences between now and then are:

• Isabella is now older, in school, needs me more for school and less for everything else. Well, that’s not entirely true, but its the general idea. I don’t have to bathe her, change her clothes, etc.
• I work two jobs but they are both part-time so I have MORE time on my hands.
• I craft. A lot. I mean, a whole lot. I don’t always get a lot done, but hanging out on the internet with crafty gals, reading blogs, chatting in forums, that all counts as crafting to me. And I love it. I love it a lot. It keeps me sane.

But.

Its getting in the way. Of my responsibilities. Of laundry. Of homework.

I was listening to NPR this morning and they had some women talking about some recent study that was done (by a male researcher apparently) that said women have more time than they think and everyone should carve out time for themselves. It sounded kind of like crap to me, cuz if I was still working that 9-hour day, I might have to shove mister male researcher off of a cliff. But me personally? I’ve got time. I’ve carved out so much of it for myself, that some of the other mundane but necessary tasks of life are getting shoved in a corner. Kind of like dirty pillowcases. And socks. Well.

I’m going to spend some time this evening, after running Isabella to hebrew school, to make a list of all of my obligations. All my chores. All my responsibilities. And I’m going to see if they fit in my schedule, which I’m pretty certain they do. And then I’m going to look at the time I spend crafting. And I’m gonna have to cut back. I’m not sure how that will happen yet, cuz I’m the one in charge of the schedule, and I’m the one in charge of the ass that likes to plop in the computer chair and sit at the desk playing with Photoshop. And pretty paper. And adhesive. And stuff. But I’m pretty sure its gotta happen. And fast. Before my speeding non-exciting car barrels through a highway barrier and really messes things up.

To be continued…

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