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My Security Blanket

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I woke up this morning (really early) thinking about a totally irrational fear of mine. I am afraid my child will be abducted. I know, it COULD happen so maybe its not completely irrational, but the odds are so overwhelmingly against it, I should not let it cripple me. Until this year, the only time Isabella was out of my sight was when she was with someone I knew or in a safe place, like school or religious school. Grandma's house. A sleepover at a friends. When this school year started, Isabella began riding her bike to school. She rode with a friend in the neighborhood. But still. She crosses no major streets. There is a crossing guard at the busy intersection at the school. But still. I panicked. I would wait until I knew the bell had rung and then I would drive to the school and check the bike rack for her bike. If it was there, I assumed she made it inside. But what if she didn't? I admit, totally paranoid. So I did what I swore I would never do. She carries a cell phone. Before someone totally flames me for giving an 8 yr old a cell phone, let me be clear. She only carries it when she is away from us. She has no phone numbers saved except family. She does not know how to check the voicemail, in fact, its disabled. She brings it home each day and puts it on the counter to be charged. This is not a luxury item for my 3rd grader. This is a security blanket for me. This allows ME to allow HER out of my sight. Which is necessary. And important. And good. For both of us. In case you didn't notice, I'm still trying to convince myself of all this. And now, her friend has moved away and she rides to school all by herself so I am even more paranoid and the phone is even more important. Yesterday, the cell phone had not gotten charged and was dead as a doornail. There was no point in her carrying a dead cell phone. When I told her she would not have it for the day, she asked, "Can't you trust me Mommy?" I gave her a big hug and wanted to cry and scream "oh its not YOU I don't trust, its the rest of the big bad world" but I didn't. Instead I said, "Oh honey, I trust you (which is 100% true), I just worry you will get in an accident (which is 100% true) and need help and not be able to call me. But if you stay on the sidewalk, I know someone else will see you and help you (which is 100% true) and it will be okay so I'm not worried today (which is ZERO % true)." So she went. And it was all okay. And she came back home. And she is here. And safe. And will go bike riding through the neighborhood today by herself. With the cell phone. And I will worry until she comes back home. And I'm realizing I will feel like this until the day I leave this earth. Wow. Who knew?

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